But then something amazing happens. Due mostly to simple mechanics, her head bobs briefly above the water – only for a few seconds mind you, but enough to gulp some air before she goes back under. For the next week, the new mother bobs like a wayward log in that ocean. A seemingly endless transition, she is however learning the basics of treading water.  After three weeks, suddenly the sensation of bobbing stops and she is starts to tread water, face breaking the surface and maintaining a steady breath. After six weeks, she’s developed a functioning dog paddle; two months, a clumsy front crawl. After three months, finally, the new mom has mastered a few strokes and is swimming. Sure, there’ll be some waves that knock her under again, but she’s learned how to swim in the ocean of motherhood.

Analogy done. Here’s a point-form list of things I have learned to date and would like to share with expectant or new mothers. Please add any of your own observations to this list and we’ll create that how-to guide.

Before Baby’s Birthday

• Check to see if your insurance covers ward rooms before you actually show up at the hospital in labour.
• Screw the focal photo they tell you to bring into the delivery room – you’ll be too busy concentrating on surviving, not on some idyllic photo.
• Forget nice labour clothes. Use the hospital gowns ’cause you’re never going to want to see those clothes again.
• Bring shoes/slippers that are two to three times larger than what you wear now. Seriously – your feet swell that much.
• Forget bringing valuables – you don’t want to worry about them, either on your person or in the unlocked cabinet during labour.
• Pack high-energy snacks for after – you will be hungry again.
• Don’t forget to bring the wipes/diapers to the hospital for baby.
• Don’t buy lots of diapers for baby before-hand; your adorable, small 7lbs baby may come out 8lbs or more.
• Ditto for newborn clothes – bring a variety of sizes to the hospital.
• Don’t forget to call your family doctor before delivery to alert them to the first week visit.

In the Delivery Room

• Go for the epidural. It doesn’t hurt you or the baby and enables you to actually enjoy the process.
• Labour can be boring (if you go the route of medication). Bring interactive games such as crosswords to play with your partner while you wait between contractions.
• Go with whatever feels good.

For the New Mom

• It’s true what they say about receiving blankets: You can’t have enough of them. You use them for swaddling baby, mopping up spit, puke, eye boogies, sneezes, pee, poop, laying under baby, a light covering in car seats/crib/floor, covering for peekaboo, clothes when you run out, change table pad, bib…
• Have your partner stay with you during the first 24 hours after delivery. The hospital staff will tell you stuff you’ll never remember later, such as meds for mom and the crash course for taking care of baby, and one of you needs to remember.
• Call your baby’s doctor within the first 24 hours of delivery to set up the exact date for baby’s one-week appointment. Keep it later in the week in case you or baby develop complications and can’t keep the date.
• If at all possible, have your partner take at least one week off – two is better. You will need his support and he should be getting the hang of it all, not your mother in law or helpful friend.
• Get on a first-name basis with your nurses. They are the gurus in your new life. Listen to all they say but take it with a  grain of salt. Do whatever works for you and your baby.
• Really try to limit the number of guests that first week home, or how long they stay during the day. Although they can be helpful, it is an added stress that you do not need in your hormone-crazed, lack-of-sleep, new life.
• Normal: baby acne, really gross looking belly button with crusty, oozing black end and clip that will fall off, thick, explosive black poop (and you’ll be excited to see it), jaundice and incubation (fairly normal; think if it as a beach vacation for baby).
• The bellybutton will not pop back out again – I know, I asked.
• Make your bathroom warm for baby’s first bath.
• A good stroller is as essential as a good car seat – it enables you to get out! Plan some outing for each day, or every other day, if you can.
• Remember the KISS acronym for your first grocery trip: Keep It Simple Stupid. Allow yourself to abort the mission if your trip starts to go south. Oh yeah, the car seat fits (not perfectly, but still) into the top of the shopping cart.
• Baby’s fussing while eating? Okay, don’t freak out. It’s probably not thrush but get it checked out anyway – you’ll feel better. Consider bottle nipple sizes if you have an angry, fussy baby.
• Crying baby? Check for obvious pains then run through your triumvirate of tasks: Change bum, Feed, Burp. If you do not succeed, try, try again. If nothing else, baby will tire himself out and then fall asleep.
• Breast feeding is one of the most natural, essential acts in nature between mother and child. It is also one of the hardest. For a rare few of you it is easy-peasy – you and baby got it on the first latch. Congrats. For the rest of us it is laborious, hard and something you and your baby need to learn how to do together.

Things they may have told you but you’ve forgotten about breast-feeding:

• The first time should be within the first hour and is more of an intro for you and baby – don’t worry if nothing happens
• Your boobs become everyone’s business – yours, baby’s, nurses’, family’s, friends’ – the last person who gets to see them again is your partner
• Remember there are loads of different ways to breast feed (get your nurse to show  you how to sideline when you’re really tired) – don’t worry when one doesn’t work for you and baby; find the one that does and go with it
• Formula supplementing – sure you can supplement (and often need to if your baby is jaundice) but really for breast-feeding, it is all or nothing. Your baby won’t get enough and will nix your breast if you don’t breast feed almost exclusively
• No matter the brand, the antibiotics you may have to take to heal that pesky episiotomy will affect the baby
• Nipple cream – use it
• It’s been a few days and finally! your breasts are starting to engorge with milk! Yes! This bizarre physical process actually does work and your milk has come in! But this doesn’t necessarily mean it is coming out. Give it time.
• Buy some nursing bras and pads. You’ll be living in them. Also, you’ll be whipping them out when/wherever so those bras will be very useful.
• You’re going to feel like you’re carrying around cows’ utters for awhile. You’ll start to think of yourself as “the boobs” and that’s your only role. Don’t worry – that will fade. You’ll get over it.

Set some mile markers to aim for: 24 hours, 1 week, 3 weeks, 1 month, 6 weeks, 3 months. Here’s what to expect at those milestones:

• 24 hours: You’ve actually survived the first day! Way to go! The stupor is starting to fade. However, the baby blues are about to hit. They will happen roughly the same time every day (hello, hormone release??) and begin about two days in (or be triggered by weird things like commercials or your first shower).
• 1 week: You’ve actually survived the first week! Unless you’re one of the few unlucky women who experience debilitating baby blues, your sob-fests will reduce now. But your hormones are not done with you yet. They are still running rampant and will amplify your natural predisposition towards insanity: anxiety, depression, anger, sulkiness…don’t worry, this too shall pass.
• 3 weeks: You’re going to wake up one morning (preferably after your baby’s three-week cluster feed and growth spurt is over) and think “I may actually be able to do this.”
• 1 month: Your baby is a whole month old! Happy Birthday!
• 6 weeks: You know the schedule that you just figured out with the baby? Yeah, that’s all gonna change. But for the better. Remember: the bigger your baby gets, the more milk he/she can drink at one time, the longer baby will sleep. Unless you have a colicky baby, then I’m really sorry for you and you have to wait until his/her digestive tract is better developed and/or baby can sit up on his/her own.
• 3 months: Smooth sailing!

Remember: you haven’t read the book on how to take care of your baby. But, then again, neither has your baby.

Please let me know if you’d like to be a member (only members can view the photos) and I’ll add you!

It's called "sunburst" orange - oh yeah, and it's a Dodge Caliber

We’re very happy with our new purchase and hope to pick it up tonight! It is, however, orange. I tried so hard not to be a girl about that fact! I imagine I’ll get used to it. And hey, it’s a colour that stands out in a snowstorm or FOG! AND although we went in with the only prerequisites being stick shift and AC, we got a vehicle with all the trimmings. We chose the Caliber because the frame is essentially that of the Jeep and we know it handles well in an accident. Also, compared to other sedans it’s pretty good on gas. We would have loved to get a hybrid but just couldn’t afford it this round – especially with me going on mat leave shortly. Hopefully next time!

This year has been a time of great highs and lows for us up here in North Grenville. But we have discovered that with every cloud there truly is a silver lining and we are hopeful going into 2010 and what that year will bring.

After hauling 3 cu yards of good soil, tilling, adding a raised bed and furrows, I planted my veggie garden.

We brought in 2009 with Peter’s family in Mississauga last winter then returned home to our long-term basement remodeling and work at The Canadian Wildlife Federation and Morrison Hershfield. Spring came early in March and Gracie and I enjoyed long walks in the woods and fields around home. May was a month of hard-core gardening where I spent my vacation improving old gardens and building new ones around our house, though a gardener is never truly satisfied and I look forward to working on them more next year.

Summer saw Peter having to spend three days a week in Kingston for work overseeing the construction of several Queens University facilities. He enjoyed exploring Kingston’s unique architecture and character but perhaps not the lodgings in the university residence! In July, we discovered that not only were my gardens growing but also a little baby! We were thrilled to learn that we would be expecting a new member to our family at the end of February 2010, and after several uncomfortable months and after I got my appetite back, we began our plans for our new arrival.

Grace finally getting to explore the top of the old kitchen counter before we ripped it out.

We “unwound” each and every weekend up at the cabin this summer working on remodeling the rooms of the old cabin, turning them into living space, a bedroom and a bathroom, which we made functional just before family and friends joined us for Thanksgiving. Grace also enjoyed the time each weekend at the cabin reaffirming which couch was most comfortable to sleep on, which path she enjoyed walking the most and which niece dropped the most food at the table. As always, she provided loads of entertainment for us at Thanksgiving with her tricks in the kitchen and long petting sessions.

Unfortunately, it was to be Grace’s last Thanksgiving with us. After a few weeks of slight behavioral changes in November, the vet discovered a massive tumor from which she would not survive long. She was an integral part of our family for eleven years and we were extremely lucky to have had her for that time. Grace was a beagle that lived up to her name and we will miss her dearly.

Grace

Now that December draws to a close, we are excited about our trip down to visit family in South Carolina – a trip made possible by my parents loaning us their other vehicle after my accident in December in a 70-car pileup. We look forward to good conversation, beach and fishing adventures, relaxing afternoons on the island and bringing in 2010 with the hope of our new baby arrival.

We wish you the very Merriest of Christmases and a healthy, happy 2010!

Tobi & Peter

PS – we encourage you to check out photos from our past year on Tobi’s Facebook page or videos of Grace on YouTube.

But I wonder, what’s wrong with being lost in the woods? It is a place I seek out frequently – it’s calm silence filled with the whisper of trees and small creatures. We can learn a lot about the world and ourselves when we are lost in the woods.

Red oak growing at the back of our house.

One of the major draws for where we live was the motto of the township, saying it was a land of trees. Our house is planted between a farmer’s field with the Rideau River on one side and the patchy yet continuous North Grenville forest on the other. The first summer we were here we planted probably a dozen trees on our one acre of land, creating a “mast tree” section and orchard. We are continually attempting to surround ourselves by forest.

I guess that’s what I’ll fill these pages with, our life experiences being lost in these northern woods, especially since I’ll be bringing a new person into this forest with me.

So enjoy the adventure, or the “exmadition” as my nieces and I used to say, and have fun being lost in the woods with us.